The Yellow Bucket
I was frustrated. It had been a long week marked by defeat.
I was glad that it was finally Friday, and I could leave the world of teaching
behind.
I slid behind the steering wheel of my car, shifted my car
into drive, and began the process of shifting my mind from the role of teacher
to that of wife/mother. The questions rolled through my head. Why did it feel
so hard? What was I doing wrong? How could I better teach these kids? Why did
it feel so completely impossible? I honestly wanted to turn in my license. I
was the wrong girl for the job. Yet, I couldn’t let it go that easily. I knew
God had called me to this place. However, He felt strangely silent, and I felt
alone in my battle.
I needed to escape my swirling thoughts, and I needed a
voice of reason, so I called my Mom to chat. I often talk to her while I’m
driving home but somehow the week had slipped by without a call. I was
pleasantly surprised when my Dad answered the phone. I filled them in on the
details of my week, and discussed the frustrations I was feeling. After hanging
up, I felt encouraged. I continued driving, and my mind mentally began thinking
of what I needed to do over the weekend. And that is when it happened. The car
in front of me swerved to miss it. I tried but the car beside me knocked the
yellow bucket back in my path. I had no choice but to hit the bucket at 70 mph.
The sound in my car changed. I could tell that something was not right. My best
guess was that the bucket had somehow managed to get stuck beneath my car. What
else could go wrong with this week? I wasn’t sure what I should do. Should I try
to pull off the interstate and get the bucket from beneath my car? Should I try
to make it to my exit, which was only 5 or so miles away. I decided my best
option was to try and make it home.
Right as I approached my exit, a car pulls in front of me, flashing its
lights, and a hand reaches out of the window motioning for me to pull over. As
it so happens, the bucket was stuck in front of the front passenger wheel of my
car. The gentlemen who pulled me over happened to notice the bucket in front of
my tire, and knew that if the bucket rolled under my tire, my car would flip.
As he walked away, he pointed to the bucket, which had rolled into the overgrown grass, and jokingly said that I should keep the bucket as a
souvenir. I laughed while thinking to myself, “why would I want to keep that stupid
yellow bucket”. It was just another frustration in an already bad week.
Little did I know the prayer that my Dad had prayed for me when
he hung up the phone, which was right before I hit the bucket. Little did I
know that the yellow bucket would be a picture of God’s faithfulness to me. I
wouldn’t know any of this until the following week when after a particularly
frustrating day, my Dad called and told me about the prayer he had prayed the previous
week. My Dad had prayed that God would give me a greater awareness of His
presence and His control of my circumstances. I wasn’t where I was by chance,
and while my world felt completely out of control, and on a downward spiral,
God was in control. He would take care of me no matter what my
circumstances said. The yellow bucket lodged in front of my tire said that my
car should have flipped but somehow my car stayed in place.
This is a battle for me. This believing God, resting in His
grace, and provision. I constantly doubt. I look around and when the road He
has called me to walk feels hard, shaky, uncertain, and He doesn’t seem to be
there, I question Him. Is He really enough? Is His grace enough? Will He truly
provide all that I need? I recently came across The Living Bible’s translation
of Psalm 112:7, which says, “He has settled in his mind that Jehovah will take
care of him”. I know that this is something that I have to settle in my mind. I
have to rest in the fact that my God is bigger than my circumstances, my
mistakes, and my brokenness. I have to choose to believe Him.
I decided to go back and get the yellow bucket. I wanted to
keep it as a reminder of God’s presence and faithfulness in my life. I know
there will be days when the doubts creep in, and it will serve to remind me of
a God who loved me enough to put a yellow bucket in my path. I think back to
the story in Joshua when after crossing the Jordan River, God tells Joshua to
take 12 stones from the Jordan River as a reminder to the Israelites. Joshua
4:21-24 says, “Then Joshua said to the Israelites, ‘In the future your children
will ask, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘This is where
the Israelites crossed the Jordan on dry ground. For the LORD your God dried up
the river right before your eyes, and he kept it dry until you were all
across…He did this so all nations of the earth might know that the LORD’s hand
is powerful, and so you might fear the LORD your God forever’.” For me, the
yellow bucket is like one of those stones. It is a reminder of the strong hand
of my God upon me, and His faithfulness to me. He will never let His children fall beyond His
grace. Yes, my feet may slip and I might stumble but He is always there gently
guiding me back to Him.
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