The One I Know
As I stand in a place of uncertainty and heartache, I find myself needing to declare God's faithfulness. All of a sudden, my world has been turned upside down, yet in the midst of the confusion, I keep coming back to one thing. What will I believe? When things are going good, it's easy to say I have faith and believe in a God who is bigger than anything I will face. When life begins to fall apart, the question to be answered is, "Will my faith be proved genuine?". When circumstances are stacked against me and my hands are tied, what will I choose to believe? Over the past month and a half, this is the question I keep coming back to...What do I believe?
It would be easy to get caught up in the circumstances swirling around me but I don't want to lose sight of the real purpose in writing this blog which is to declare God's faithfulness. You see, I serve a God who is bigger than any obstacle I will face. Never once in my life has He left me hanging. So in this moment of uncertainty, I'm going to choose to trust that He will once again rise on my behalf. No, I have no idea what tomorrow holds but I do know the One who goes before me. I think back to a very heart-breaking moment in my journey of infertility when I was so upset the only thing I could do as I cried was repeat one thing over and over, "...I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." (2 Timothy 1:12 NIV). Once again, I will entrust my circumstances to the God who loves me and I will stand on that same promise, "That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."
Once again, God has been gracious to speak to me in the midst of my confusion. He has shown me several reasons for bringing me to this place of testing. To begin with, I believe it's an answer to prayer. Several years ago, my brother and sister-in-law gave me a necklace for Christmas. On the necklace, there was a charm with the letter K and a charm with the word "Faith". I remember opening it and as I admired it I couldn't help but wonder why they would pick out a charm with the word "Faith" on it. I remember thinking how I truly wanted to be a woman of faith but how so often instead of having faith I questioned God. When I put the necklace around my neck, I couldn't help but feel slightly like a fraud. However, I also knew that I wanted to become a woman of great faith. As if it wasn't going to be enough to pray to be a woman of faith, I also began to pray to be woman of joy. At the time, I don't think I realized that, in order to become a woman of faith and joy, I was going to have to walk through some testing. How else would I learn faith and joy unless God brought me to a place where I would have to depend on Him to come through. And I would have to choose to be joyful even when there was nothing to rejoice in.
Secondly, as I've studied His Word one phrase has kept repeating itself over and over..."so that you may know". Often God allows things to happen in our lives for the express purpose of bringing us to a deeper understanding of who He is. Isaiah 45:3 states, "I will give you the treasure of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." The word used in Hebrew to depict the phrase "you may know" is the word yada'. To fully appreciate this word you have to see the definition which is "Learn to know; to perceive and see; find out and discern; to know by experience". What this said to me is we will truly begin to know the greatness of God, when we get to experience Him working in our lives. We can study His Word all day long or go to church every Sunday and we may find that we know a lot about God but to know Him is to experience Him. Please don't gloss over this but let it really resonate in your being. He is the Lord. He is the same God who spoke to Moses from a burning bush and parted the sea for the Israelites. He is the same God who rescued Daniel from the lion's den. And He is the same God who rose from the grave and conquered death. I felt like He was saying to me, "Kristen, I have allowed this in your life so you can see just how big I really am. If you yield this to me, not only will you but everyone around you will know that I am the Lord." You see, we can't forget that our trials aren't just about us. One of the greatest testimonies we will have will come from how we handle adversity. When I choose to believe that, no matter what my circumstances say, the same God who conquered death will also deliver me, I give God the chance to show just how mighty He is. Not only will I have a chance to see God's greatness but so will the people around me.
Isn't this what life for the believer is really about? Shouldn't our purpose be to increasingly know Him more and more so that we might bear His image no matter the cost? Paul puts it so eloquently in the book of Philippians when he states, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of knowing Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things." (Philippians 3:7-8 NIV) I have a feeling that, just like with infertility, I will one day look back at the circumstances I am now in and would gladly walk through it again just to come to a greater understanding of my God. Everything else pales in comparison to Him. Believe me, I would not trade the six years I have walked through infertility for all the babies I had hoped to have. God has shown me too much and grown me in ways that would not have been possible otherwise. I don't say this in order to toot my own horn. Five years ago, I couldn't have imagined saying this but God in His grace has brought me to a place of complete surrender. It is Christ in me. And that is why I can now stand in this trial and declare His faithfulness. I do know the One in whom I believe and I know that He is able to do far more than I can ever hope or imagine.
I pray that whatever trial you now find yourself in you will realize God's deep love for you and His faithfulness. Know that your Redeemer can take every circumstance set against you and turn it into a place of abundance. I would like to close with a precious promise found in Psalm 9:10, "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."
It would be easy to get caught up in the circumstances swirling around me but I don't want to lose sight of the real purpose in writing this blog which is to declare God's faithfulness. You see, I serve a God who is bigger than any obstacle I will face. Never once in my life has He left me hanging. So in this moment of uncertainty, I'm going to choose to trust that He will once again rise on my behalf. No, I have no idea what tomorrow holds but I do know the One who goes before me. I think back to a very heart-breaking moment in my journey of infertility when I was so upset the only thing I could do as I cried was repeat one thing over and over, "...I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." (2 Timothy 1:12 NIV). Once again, I will entrust my circumstances to the God who loves me and I will stand on that same promise, "That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."
Once again, God has been gracious to speak to me in the midst of my confusion. He has shown me several reasons for bringing me to this place of testing. To begin with, I believe it's an answer to prayer. Several years ago, my brother and sister-in-law gave me a necklace for Christmas. On the necklace, there was a charm with the letter K and a charm with the word "Faith". I remember opening it and as I admired it I couldn't help but wonder why they would pick out a charm with the word "Faith" on it. I remember thinking how I truly wanted to be a woman of faith but how so often instead of having faith I questioned God. When I put the necklace around my neck, I couldn't help but feel slightly like a fraud. However, I also knew that I wanted to become a woman of great faith. As if it wasn't going to be enough to pray to be a woman of faith, I also began to pray to be woman of joy. At the time, I don't think I realized that, in order to become a woman of faith and joy, I was going to have to walk through some testing. How else would I learn faith and joy unless God brought me to a place where I would have to depend on Him to come through. And I would have to choose to be joyful even when there was nothing to rejoice in.
Secondly, as I've studied His Word one phrase has kept repeating itself over and over..."so that you may know". Often God allows things to happen in our lives for the express purpose of bringing us to a deeper understanding of who He is. Isaiah 45:3 states, "I will give you the treasure of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." The word used in Hebrew to depict the phrase "you may know" is the word yada'. To fully appreciate this word you have to see the definition which is "Learn to know; to perceive and see; find out and discern; to know by experience". What this said to me is we will truly begin to know the greatness of God, when we get to experience Him working in our lives. We can study His Word all day long or go to church every Sunday and we may find that we know a lot about God but to know Him is to experience Him. Please don't gloss over this but let it really resonate in your being. He is the Lord. He is the same God who spoke to Moses from a burning bush and parted the sea for the Israelites. He is the same God who rescued Daniel from the lion's den. And He is the same God who rose from the grave and conquered death. I felt like He was saying to me, "Kristen, I have allowed this in your life so you can see just how big I really am. If you yield this to me, not only will you but everyone around you will know that I am the Lord." You see, we can't forget that our trials aren't just about us. One of the greatest testimonies we will have will come from how we handle adversity. When I choose to believe that, no matter what my circumstances say, the same God who conquered death will also deliver me, I give God the chance to show just how mighty He is. Not only will I have a chance to see God's greatness but so will the people around me.
Isn't this what life for the believer is really about? Shouldn't our purpose be to increasingly know Him more and more so that we might bear His image no matter the cost? Paul puts it so eloquently in the book of Philippians when he states, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of knowing Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things." (Philippians 3:7-8 NIV) I have a feeling that, just like with infertility, I will one day look back at the circumstances I am now in and would gladly walk through it again just to come to a greater understanding of my God. Everything else pales in comparison to Him. Believe me, I would not trade the six years I have walked through infertility for all the babies I had hoped to have. God has shown me too much and grown me in ways that would not have been possible otherwise. I don't say this in order to toot my own horn. Five years ago, I couldn't have imagined saying this but God in His grace has brought me to a place of complete surrender. It is Christ in me. And that is why I can now stand in this trial and declare His faithfulness. I do know the One in whom I believe and I know that He is able to do far more than I can ever hope or imagine.
I pray that whatever trial you now find yourself in you will realize God's deep love for you and His faithfulness. Know that your Redeemer can take every circumstance set against you and turn it into a place of abundance. I would like to close with a precious promise found in Psalm 9:10, "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."
Oh Kristen! Thank you for sharing your words and more importantly HIS words!!!!! You have truly ministered to me!
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