A Dirty Little Four Letter Word
I had imagined this moment countless times. Wondered what would happen and how I would respond. I always imagined myself being very charming, smiling and with an air of confidence being perfectly gracious. I laugh as I write this, because I acted anything but charming or confident.
It happened innocently enough...it was just your average Sunday in the drive-thru at McDonald's but what ensued was anything but typical. Now, please note, Jeremy and I were in the drive-thru which means we were safely sitting in the car. Across the parking lot, I saw someone whose words and actions had hurt me deeply and the moment I saw them panic seized me. If you could have seen the expression on Jeremy's face. It was a look of disbelief that said, "Who are you and what did you do with my wife?" Of course, my expression was one of complete innocence as if it were perfectly normal for a 32 year old woman to beg her husband to get out of the drive-thru line. Needless to say, I suddenly realized that while I had forgiven this person for the things that were said, I had never dealt with the wounds which were left behind. I know you must be wondering why I went crazy over something so minor? I have one little dirty four letter word for you...FEAR.
You see, I'm a people pleaser. I wish it wasn't so, but I derive some of my self worth from knowing I've made the people around me happy. The problem doesn't necessarily lie within my desire to make those around me happy but in the fear I feel if I don't. It's like I somehow haven't measured up or I'm not enough. Not that I want their approval as much as I want their respect. I also realized how much I fear people's judgment. In this case, what if the things the person said were true? So, instead of resting in my identity in Christ, I did what I do best in this situation, I ran. Believe me when I say, this really isn't a story I wanted to share. It's actually quite embarrassing and not one of my finer moments. I would have been perfectly content to keep this one between Jeremy and I. However, fear is an issue that most of us face from time to time. Fear sneaks in and holds us captive and we don't even realize it until too late. Fear also motivates us to act in ways we wouldn't normally consider. Your fears may not look the same as mine. You may be one of those blessed people who could really care less what people think about you but I bet you have some fear you are dealing with.
I decided it might be wise to see what the Bible has to say on the issue of fear. As I studied the subject of fear, I realized there are two kinds of fear. There is a fear of God, which is a healthy fear based on love and there is a fear of the world, which is an unhealthy fear based on condemnation. To fear God means to stand in awe of Him. My question became how do you explain to someone who may not have a loving view of God that He doesn't want you to fear him with a sense of terror. I began to wonder if there were different Hebrew/Greek words used in the Bible to describe fear in God versus fear in circumstances. The main word used for fear in the Old Testament is the Hebrew word Yare', which can either mean reverence/awe or to make afraid/terrify. The main word used in the New Testament is the Greek word Phobos, which can mean either to put to flight by terrifying or to reverence. I'm going to be real honest-I thought I was going to pull my hair out a few times studying this. There are many different variations of the above words and I spent a lot of time trying to find a connection in the way they were used. Then I realized I was focusing on the wrong thing. I wanted to be able to put this in a neat little box for you and I can't. So, I'm just going to speak from my heart and share what I've discovered in my own life.
We have to look at the object of our fear. Proverbs 29:25 says, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe". I hate to say it but I've found often times in my own life that the root of fearing others is based on pride. This was the case in the McDonald's fiasco. My pride had been wounded by things that were said and instead of trusting in the Lord, I chose to believe a lie. My pride led to fear and my fear became my snare. Sometimes I wonder why it's so easy to believe a lie over the truth. I'm God's child, created in His image, and with a unique purpose. I'm far from perfect but the God of the universe, out of sheer love for me, overcame death to find my soul. Why do I cower in fear when I should be dancing a happy little jig? It comes back to trust. Am I going to trust God or am I going to trust what my circumstances say. Sadly, I tend to let circumstances and other people define my worth. So, of course I'm going to live in fear because there is no security in people or life. On the flip side Psalm 112:1 states, "Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who finds great delight in his commands" and Psalm 111:10 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding". We can fear man which will always prove to be a snare or we can fear God which will lead to wisdom and blessings. I wish I had this truth down. So often I pray to be a woman of courage because I feel it so lacking in my life. Thankfully, God still uses me despite my weakness.
In some ways, I wish I could go back to the day in the drive-thru and handle it with grace and confidence. In other ways, I'm glad it happened because I caught a glimpse of how captive I am to fear. Don't let fear become your snare. Don't let it be the thing that holds you back from becoming all you were meant to be. We were never meant to live in fear. As for me, I'll pray that Psalm 34:4-5 will become true of me. "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."
It happened innocently enough...it was just your average Sunday in the drive-thru at McDonald's but what ensued was anything but typical. Now, please note, Jeremy and I were in the drive-thru which means we were safely sitting in the car. Across the parking lot, I saw someone whose words and actions had hurt me deeply and the moment I saw them panic seized me. If you could have seen the expression on Jeremy's face. It was a look of disbelief that said, "Who are you and what did you do with my wife?" Of course, my expression was one of complete innocence as if it were perfectly normal for a 32 year old woman to beg her husband to get out of the drive-thru line. Needless to say, I suddenly realized that while I had forgiven this person for the things that were said, I had never dealt with the wounds which were left behind. I know you must be wondering why I went crazy over something so minor? I have one little dirty four letter word for you...FEAR.
You see, I'm a people pleaser. I wish it wasn't so, but I derive some of my self worth from knowing I've made the people around me happy. The problem doesn't necessarily lie within my desire to make those around me happy but in the fear I feel if I don't. It's like I somehow haven't measured up or I'm not enough. Not that I want their approval as much as I want their respect. I also realized how much I fear people's judgment. In this case, what if the things the person said were true? So, instead of resting in my identity in Christ, I did what I do best in this situation, I ran. Believe me when I say, this really isn't a story I wanted to share. It's actually quite embarrassing and not one of my finer moments. I would have been perfectly content to keep this one between Jeremy and I. However, fear is an issue that most of us face from time to time. Fear sneaks in and holds us captive and we don't even realize it until too late. Fear also motivates us to act in ways we wouldn't normally consider. Your fears may not look the same as mine. You may be one of those blessed people who could really care less what people think about you but I bet you have some fear you are dealing with.
I decided it might be wise to see what the Bible has to say on the issue of fear. As I studied the subject of fear, I realized there are two kinds of fear. There is a fear of God, which is a healthy fear based on love and there is a fear of the world, which is an unhealthy fear based on condemnation. To fear God means to stand in awe of Him. My question became how do you explain to someone who may not have a loving view of God that He doesn't want you to fear him with a sense of terror. I began to wonder if there were different Hebrew/Greek words used in the Bible to describe fear in God versus fear in circumstances. The main word used for fear in the Old Testament is the Hebrew word Yare', which can either mean reverence/awe or to make afraid/terrify. The main word used in the New Testament is the Greek word Phobos, which can mean either to put to flight by terrifying or to reverence. I'm going to be real honest-I thought I was going to pull my hair out a few times studying this. There are many different variations of the above words and I spent a lot of time trying to find a connection in the way they were used. Then I realized I was focusing on the wrong thing. I wanted to be able to put this in a neat little box for you and I can't. So, I'm just going to speak from my heart and share what I've discovered in my own life.
We have to look at the object of our fear. Proverbs 29:25 says, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe". I hate to say it but I've found often times in my own life that the root of fearing others is based on pride. This was the case in the McDonald's fiasco. My pride had been wounded by things that were said and instead of trusting in the Lord, I chose to believe a lie. My pride led to fear and my fear became my snare. Sometimes I wonder why it's so easy to believe a lie over the truth. I'm God's child, created in His image, and with a unique purpose. I'm far from perfect but the God of the universe, out of sheer love for me, overcame death to find my soul. Why do I cower in fear when I should be dancing a happy little jig? It comes back to trust. Am I going to trust God or am I going to trust what my circumstances say. Sadly, I tend to let circumstances and other people define my worth. So, of course I'm going to live in fear because there is no security in people or life. On the flip side Psalm 112:1 states, "Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who finds great delight in his commands" and Psalm 111:10 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding". We can fear man which will always prove to be a snare or we can fear God which will lead to wisdom and blessings. I wish I had this truth down. So often I pray to be a woman of courage because I feel it so lacking in my life. Thankfully, God still uses me despite my weakness.
In some ways, I wish I could go back to the day in the drive-thru and handle it with grace and confidence. In other ways, I'm glad it happened because I caught a glimpse of how captive I am to fear. Don't let fear become your snare. Don't let it be the thing that holds you back from becoming all you were meant to be. We were never meant to live in fear. As for me, I'll pray that Psalm 34:4-5 will become true of me. "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."
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